I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
