Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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