I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
