Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
