I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Randomize
