I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
