hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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