i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
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Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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