We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
