I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We smell like vodka and hangover
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