literally had 100 drinks last night.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
