We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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