My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
