Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
