I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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