your room smells of hookers.
And success
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
What drink are we having for lunch?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
