It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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