The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
