I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
