video games are the ultimate cock blocker
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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