you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
