Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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