38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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