Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
vagina is talking i cant
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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