i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
