well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
