Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
