If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So many bounce houses so little time
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
