my sisters under your porch take her home
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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