also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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