how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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