I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
