I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
