Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
