I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
