Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
