But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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