ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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