why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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