She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
