chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and she was petting her beer can
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
