I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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