I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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