you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
