It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
