I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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