My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
