my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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