found the other keg... it's in the tree
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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