non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
