nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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