that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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