Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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