all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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