Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This beer is not sobering me up at all
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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