thus making me awesome and them whores
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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