so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize