My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
