we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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