areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
