I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Randomize
