its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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