I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
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They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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