my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
