Can Purell be used as lube?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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