you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
