I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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