Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
