I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Brb crying the tears of my youth
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
