Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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