just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
